"Some Cynical Guy" No. 49: October 21, 2001

The Upside Of Terrorism

Hijackers in the skies, anthrax in our mail... this frazzled republic of ours is in for some hard and bitter years. Most of us know, deep in the secret crannies of our terrorized minds, that there's no vanquishing this particular foe as if it were some belligerent nation with recognizable boundaries and a capital whose name we can't pronounce. Terrorism is a flame that will have to burn itself out as the fuel tank of hatred gradually runs dry. That process might take years, decades or even a century. 

Meanwhile, how do we enjoy being Americans again? I don't know about you, but I'm starting to get tired of the grief. I'm weary of the mournful news features, the scent of American tears on the breeze, the touching but relentless media parade of misty-eyed memorials for the dead and missing. (Why is it that we never stop to mourn the good people whose obituaries appear routinely in our daily newspapers?) I don't want to hear another 'bereavement counselor' dispensing sensitive homilies on National Public Radio. Grief might be a necessary stage in the healing process, but it shouldn't become a way of life. 

For that matter, I don't think we should be shuddering every time someone opens a powdered envelope. Fear is for rabbits and other perpetual prey. I don't plan to alter my curmudgeonly existence in deference to the terrorists, though you probably won't catch me visiting the observatory of the Empire State Building anytime soon. The point is that chronic grief and fear don't suit us. Coming from a nation that flung the gauntlet in the face of the world's most dominant empire back in 1776, these recent displays of woe and panic seem almost un-American, however human and forgivable they might be.

My guess is that the new reign of terror, like rap music and Geraldo Rivera, will be with us for longer than we'd prefer. So how do we learn to live with it? How, when we're confronted by horrific headlines on a daily basis, do we keep from dwelling on negative consequences like premature death? 

I'd answer that we should start considering the upside of terrorism. Yes, your Cynical Guy is actually advising you to look for the proverbial silver lining in this dark and rumbling cloud. What good could possibly come from the continual threat of terrorist attacks, aside from the prospect of shorter lines at major sporting events? Well, you might say I'm looking forward to the camaraderie of shared suffering. Let me explain. 

Years ago I worked for a publishing house that was still run by its founder, a harried, hyperkinetic little man -- brilliant in his own half-demented way -- who used to keep his employees in a state of perpetual terror. Every day we'd wait to see who would emerge as the latest victim of his verbal buzz-bombs... which of us would hear the footsteps approach our desk, glimpse the familiar shock of unruly silver hair and the crisp gray suit, and recoil at the dreaded words, 'I TOLD you...' followed by a specific condemnation of our latest action and a general denunciation of our worth as human beings. The chief editor and the production manager, both in their early thirties when I arrived, were already on blood pressure medication. I started sprouting gray hairs at an alarming rate. In fact, I used to keep a list of the employees who came and went; one year the turnover rate actually topped 100 percent. But the hard-core survivors among us bonded together in a staunch alliance that was like nothing I've experienced before or since. We commiserated at lunch, we shared jests and confidences, we half-seriously plotted our tyrant's demise. As an antidote to the terror, we created a community of mutual appreciation and esteem. It kept us alive and sane.

That camaraderie is what I'd like to see emerge from the terrorism that haunts America today. Ever since the sixties we've been a nation of subcultures, shredded into hundreds of incompatible and mutually indifferent special-interest groups: yuppies and rednecks, feminists and Afrocentrists, gays and geeks, Marxists and capitalists, postmodernists, environmentalists, fundamentalists, food snobs and wine snobs, New Agers, Hare Krishnas, lacto-ovo-vegetarians, bikers, bodybuilders, Mensans, minimalists, MBAs and all manner of extreme sports aficionados too numerous to mention. The current academic world alone is a subculture made up of countless microcultures, each with its own language and a roster of petty superstars unknown to anyone outside the tent. 

Diversity may be the soul of democracy, but not when we give our primary allegiance to our microculture rather than to our nation. In fact, we'd do well to shift our primary allegiance beyond our own republic, to the human race as a whole. Maybe America's suffering will give us Yanks the heart to appreciate what our fellow-humans have been enduring in all those steamy and remote places where you can't even pick up a copy of 'USA Today.'

A final question: how do we face the prospect of an uncertain lifespan when we were so confident that our daily workouts and high-fiber diets would carry us unblemished into our eighties and beyond? All that hard work could be undone in the blink of a fanatical eye. It doesn't seem fair. 

Well, that's one of the cleverly disguised benefits of living with terrorism: we all have to face the fact that life ISN'T fair -- something that the wiser cynics have known all along. That doesn't mean life can't be amusing, or instructive, or serene, or nourishing to the spirit, or full of rewards for the lustier appetites. Life can be all those things; we just can't keep expecting it to produce for us. It might shut down suddenly like one of those coin-operated viewing scopes at a scenic overlook. That was just as true before the terrorist raid of September 11 as it is today. 

Terrorism can teach us that life is fleeting, that we need to live NOW so that when our time comes, we won't have to conclude, in a flash of awful insight, that we wasted our lives sleepwalking through the festivities. It's a hard way to learn a hard lesson -- but it's preferable to not learning it at all, isn't it?

Cynic's Pick of the Week
At Paul McCartney's huge 'Concert for New York' at Madison Square Garden, rookie Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton was practically booed off the platform as she addressed the crowd. A shame, really. Surely a Wellesley grad and former presidential spouse deserves better. When will those dreadful New Yorkers learn some manners?  ;-)

© 2001 by Bridget Petrella Media Relations. "Some Cynical Guy" appears here by permission of the publisher. If you'd like this column to appear regularly in  your own site or publication, write to UPBEATmag@aol.com.

Profile of a Cynic...

Bayan, who claims to be a "kinder, gentler cynic," currently lives in Allentown, Pennsylvania. His weekly column, "Some Cynical Guy," is published and syndicated by Upbeat Online.