0=No Misery   10=Absolute Misery

Acne

    a few zits, 1.7

    pizza face, 7.1

Addiction

    to heroin, 9.2

    to gambling, 6.3

    to the Internet, 3.0

    to cheese curls, 0.4

Aging

    on schedule, 3.9

    premature, for a man, 4.7

    premature, for a woman, 6.4

    premature, for a gay man, 8.1

    premature, for a lesbian, 0.3

Alienation

    from contemporary culture, 4.1

    from schoolmates, 4.6

    from colleagues, 4.6

    from family, 4.9

    from all known life-forms in the universe, 7.3

Allegiance to a losing team

    occasional, 2.3

    Chicago Cubs, 7.9

Anxiety attack

    at home, 6.1

    at work, 6.8

    at the mall, 7.0

    while being interviewed on live TV, 9.1

Bad breath

    inhaling it from others, 2.4

    exhaling it to others, 0

    anxiety over exhaling it to others, 5.1

Baldness

    at age 60, 2.0

    at age 25, 5.1

    at age 25 (woman), 8.3

Bankruptcy

    before filing Chapter 11, 8.9

    after filing Chapter 11, 0.8

Becoming a

    movie star, 0.1

    lawyer, 2.6

    circus clown, 3.3

    surgeon, 4.2

    sales rep, 5.9

    drug addict, 7.8

    werewolf, 8.9

    president of the U.S. 9.0

    writer, 9.2

Blind date

    with attractive, compatible person, 0

    with attractive, incompatible person, 1.2

    with unattractive, compatible person, 2.4

    with unattractive, incompatible person, 3.6

    with psychopath, 4.8

    with Scientologist, 6.0

Breaking up

    with beloved companion, at companion’s request, 8.4

    with so-so companion, at your request, 2.2

    with miserable companion, at anyone’s request, 0

Burns

    first-degree, localized, 3.8

    third-degree, extensive, 9.9

    cremation, 0

Capital punishment

    lethal injection, 6.6

    guillotine, 7.1

    firing squad, 7.3

    gas chamber, 7.9

    hanging, 8.8

    electric chair, 9.3

    being fed to lions, 9.8

    being burned at the stake, 9.8

    being microwaved on medium power, 9.9

Changing

    a light bulb, 0.3

    your baby’s diaper, 2.9

    cat litter, 3.1

    your habits, 4.2

    your father’s diaper, 8.4

Checkout counter, waiting at the

    regular lane, 2.4

    "express" lane, 3.0

Children’s birthday parties

    attending, 1.2

    hosting, 2.3

    performing at, 5.5

Cleaning the remains of 6-month-old fruits and vegetables from the back of the refrigerator, 3.6

Congratulating a friend, 2.1

Congratulating a rival, 4.1

Deadline pressure

    at work, 4.6

    to propose marriage, 7.2

Death

    painless, at a ripe old age, 1.8

    premature, 7.7

    lingering, 8.3

    painful, 8.8

    lingering and painful, 9.3

    lingering, painful and premature, 9.6

    being dead, 0

Defeat

    at Monopoly, 0.6

    at Scrabble, 1.0

    in election for county freeholder, 3.1

    in election for president of the U.S., 6.6

    in election for county freeholder, after having run for president, 8.6

    chronic, in life, 8.9

Domestic chores, 2.4

Downward mobility, 6.7

Ennui, 1.5

Envy,

    of neighbor, 3.1

    of sibling, 3.3

    of boss, 3.8

    of ex-spouse, 4.6

    of the dead, 6.1

Eternal damnation, 9.7

Failure

    for a Harvard graduate, 7.9

    for a native of Borneo, 0.6

Final exams,

    the night before, 6.9

    during, 6.1

    the day after, 0

    in nightmares, ten years later, 6.9

Flatulence

    in private, 0.2

    at a business conference, 6.6

    on a first date, 7.6

    after a year of marriage, 0.3

Forced gaiety

    at a wake, 1.7

    at a high school reunion, 4.1

Guilt

    over eating your kid’s Halloween candy, 1.0

    over inadvertently causing a nuclear meltdown with 400,000 casualties, 8.8

Gum disease, 2.9

Heart attack

    in sleep, at age 90, 0.4

    while being interviewed on live TV, at age 40, 9.3

Hoping for the best, 3.6

Imprisonment

    life at a maximum-security state penitentiary in the Deep South, 9.2

    6 months at a federal minimum-security prison with stereo and laptop, 0.9

Indigestion, 0.8

Jealousy

    regular, 3.6

    insane, 8.3

Job hunting

    with a law degree from Harvard, 0.2

    with a philosophy degree from Bricktown State, 7.1

Living in a

    charming old residential neighborhood, 0

    retirement village, 1.9

    treeless tract development, 2.7

    trailer park, 4.1

    tenement, 5.8

    cardboard box under a bridge, 7.7

    corporate office 14 hours a day, 7.8

Lust, 0

Marital discord

    occasional spat, 1.4

    constant friction, 6.7

    murder-suicide, 9.5

Marriage

    to an adulterer, 6.1

   to an ax-murderer, 7.6

    to a "personal growth" fanatic, 7.8

Math problems

    solving, 0.8

    failing to solve, 3.0

    having recurrent nightmares about, 6.9

Modern poetry

    writing, 1.8

    listening to, 4.7

Overwork

    at a rewarding job, 1.7

    at any other job, 6.2

Phobias

    the number thirteen, 1.2

    cats, 3.3

    flying, 4.2

    enclosed spaces, 5.1

    open spaces, 5.1

    heights, 5.4

    public speaking, 8.1

    being trapped with an insurance salesman on a 6-hour plane flight, 8.6

PMS

    for the sufferer, 3.1

    for family and friends, 5.6

Postnasal drip, 1.8

Premature burial, 9.9

Rejection

    for a date, 2.4

    of one’s first short story, 3.5

    by an Ivy League college, 5.7

    of one’s new liver, 8.3

Self-doubt, 3.6

Sibling rivalry

    for superior sibling, 0.7

    for inferior sibling, 6.6

Stepping on

    dog poop, with shoes, 2.7

    dog poop, barefoot, 4.9

    human poop, with shoes, 5.1

    an active wasps’ nest, 9.3

Stroke

    fatal, at age 50, 6.3

    nonfatal, at age 50, with paralysis and drooling for next 30 years, 9.5

Traffic jam

    after work, 2.1

    while running late for a job interview, 7.3

Underemployment, 3.1

Unemployment

    chronic, accompanied by major depression, 7.9

    for a month, following a long period of overwork, 0.3

Unrequited love, 5.5

Vomiting

    at home, in the bathroom, 3.9

    during a cruise, on the promenade deck, 4.6

    on a first date, at a restaurant table, 6.7

    at school, in front of classmates, 7.6

    while being interviewed on live TV, 8.9

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